I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
