as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
