i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
