We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
