if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
