im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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