Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
