I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
