They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
