bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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