So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
