Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
