someone get that fucking seahorse.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
