i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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