Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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