I'm eating all of the evidence.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
