help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
