very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
