in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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