if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
