Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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