TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
