He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
