I'm gonna have a badass scar
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
