Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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