i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
