i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
