Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
