Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
