At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
only if we run a train.
done.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
