i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
