So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
