Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
