If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
