It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
