You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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