She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
