6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
