My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
