i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
