you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
