barbara walters just said penis...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
