Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
