youre lurking in front of me
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
