I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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