I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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