North Korea, Best Korea!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
