Do you still have your period?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
