I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
