My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
