Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
