im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
