Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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