she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
