Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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